A few weeks ago, when Cameron started to take his first stumbly steps across the living room, I had a revelation: babies are like drunk people.
And there went half of my readers.
Now I didn’t realize that Nick Swardson (who I think of every time I use the hashtag “#thuglife” to describe my parenting horror stories) had already said something to this effect in one of his comedy sketches.
However, before I realized this, I presented the idea on Facebook and let people fill in the blanks themselves. This is what I got:
Clearly, I’m not the only one who thinks so. That said, I’ve compiled what I believe is the top 10 ways that babies are like drunk people!
10.They cry about everything.
9. They get really upset when you’re not giving them your FULL. UNDIVIDED. ATTENTION.
8. They talk. A lot. Incessantly, in fact, and they know exactly what they want to say. Yet not a single word of what they’re saying is in any way coherent.
7. They have trouble walking straight, and that’s IF they can walk at all.
6. They have a hard time controlling bodily functions.
5. The vomiting. Oh God. The vomiting.
4. They take off their clothes and/or prefer to be naked either all the time or at the worst times, in the worst places
3. They grab at boobs and pull down shirts inappropriately.
2. They pass out everywhere and the idea of waking them up to move them is more bothersome than the inconvenience of where they passed out.
1. They love you SO MUCH! No, like seriously. You’re their favorite person in the world.
**Honorable Mention goes to Jeremy’s “They’re fun to be around in short bursts, but hard to handle in large doses.” As a mom, I think I’m not allowed to say that. My sister and parents can TOTALLY say it all they want, though. I totally get it.
..I mean, HOW DARE THEY! Why WOULDN’T they want to be around a living, breathing poop dispenser?
I’m just going to shut up now.
So how do YOU think babies are like drunk people? Did I leave out any of your favorites? Leave a comment with your thoughts!