So the other day, I mentioned the potential new judges for American Idol. A friend of mine didn’t realize that Simon was leaving, also noting she thinks he’s a fox. I disagree and cited that the fact that he would use Botox makes him even less attractive. She vehemently denied that he would ever use Botox, so of course I Google it and find the following statement on People.com:

“To me, Botox is no more unusual than toothpaste… It works, you do it once a year – who cares?”

Her response was “yeah, who cares? It’s just Botox.”

I’m not even going to touch how easily she’ll back it up when she had been so adamant that it wasn’t true.

Now maybe it’s just me but doesn’t the idea of injecting your face with effing BOTULISM a little bit terrifying? People DIE from botulism. But it’s okay to put this in your face?! I don’t get this, but my friend who avoids smiling and making facial expressions that use her eyebrows to avoid getting wrinkles in the form of smile lines and crow’s feet (and still smokes) does.

But back to more important things: it’s effing botulism! It starts by paralyzing your face, then it paralyzes your throat and lungs and you die!

Okay, so that’s just an actual botulism intoxication and Botox® doesn’t necessarily do that, but it’s side effects can be close! Like difficulty swallowing!

So lalalalala, you Botulize yourself, you’re flouncing through Fashion Island to show off your new Halloween-scary-perma-surprised face and you stop for your triple shot, skinny, double-pump, upside-down caramel macchiato. You start a-sippin’ and BAM you start choking because YOU CAN’T SWALLOW.

Plus you can’t move your face, so you look surprised but no one realizes you’re choking because they can’t tell the difference between your Botox® face and your OH-MY-GOD-SAVE-ME-I’M-CHOKING face.

Moral of the story: wear sunscreen, y’all.